1-1/2 cups ice cream
½ cup milk
2 overdue bills
1 layoff notice
1 voicemail threatening divorce
1 note from creepy neighbor slipped under the door
3 days of no sleep
1 pot of coffee
1 bottle of Kahlua
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- Pour yourself a cup of coffee. Add Kahlua to taste. Maybe more Kahlua.
- Add ice cream to the blender.
- Add milk to the blender.
- Add a cup of coffee to the blender.
- Add a generous portion of Kahlua to the blender.
- Blend thoroughly. Pretend you are blending your husband.
- Pour yourself a cup of Kahlua. Add coffee to taste.
- Shred the layoff notice, the overdue bills, and the creepy neighbor note. Toss shredding into the fireplace. Start a fire. Who cares if it’s summer?
- Leave voicemail for your husband that you’re leaving him the house. And the kids.
- Pour yourself a cup of Kahlua. Forget the coffee.
- Pack your clothes.
- Open a new bank account. Transfer all funds from the old account to the new. Your husband would only spend all the money on his new girlfriend.
- Pour the contents of the blender into a vase and drink, drink, drink.
- Leave voicemail for your parents that you’re moving back home.
- Get in the car and drive away, fast.